so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
