Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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