I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
