you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
