pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
