i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Actions speak louder than pants.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
