you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize