i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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