Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i think my cat just said my name.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
