At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
