you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
