thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
