There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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