Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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