I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
