DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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