Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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