Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
