Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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