guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
