went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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