Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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