i may or may not be watching the land before time
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
