My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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