Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
