i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize