you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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