You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This baby is an asshole
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
