Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize