So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
