Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
