I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
