I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
