From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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