when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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