Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
