Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
