just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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