I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
