I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
