Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
