I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
