Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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