non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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