My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
