My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
