i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
