The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
