Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
please don't ironically join a cult
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