I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
