Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
