his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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