We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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