We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
