i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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