hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
