I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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