I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
