so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
