This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
