Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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