Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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