CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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