"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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