Michael Bay diarrhea
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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