I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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